Empowerment

I have long believed that children need a sense of empowerment in order to become strong leaders for the future.

What I don't mean by empowerment is giving in to every want or desire of the child. Nor do I mean that we let them call all of the shots at every stage of their development. Letting a child make adult or family decisions with no adult input is not what I am talking about.

I do believe that the roles of parent and teacher are to help mentor and guide a child so the child can safely learn to make decisions and learn to predict and cope with the consequences of those decisions. A 2 year-old might choose between wearing a red shirt and a blue one. A 4 year-old might decide whether to do painting or cut and paste, whether to help fold laundry or unload the dishwasher, and how they want their hair to be cut. A 10 year-old might decide whether to continue with an extra-curricular activity, and what he/she will make for lunch.
There will be daily choices, as well as life choices that come up along the way. As much as possible, children should be allowed to participate in decisions that affect them. They should be given a voice and listened to so that they will know how to be heard as they grow up. They will be strong and experienced decision makers who can say no to peer pressure or other situations that challenge their inner values.

There are a few pitfalls that we will need to watch out for. There is an increasing trend to overprotect our children. When we shelter them from the world, we deny them the chance to learn and grow. It is a delicate balance. We want them to be safe, but they have a strong need (and it is a need) to learn independence, to play with other kids without imposed adult structure, to explore nature, to make mistakes and learn from them and to practice decision-making skills so that they can develop their own good judgment. This is where they pick up life skills and learn about who they are.

Another pitfall is permissiveness. It can be easier to give in to a child's wants at times, but we need to be sure of a few things first. We need to determine the difference between "needs" and "wants". We need to teach children that wastefulness is undesirable. We need to teach the child to think through decisions and be sure. We need to teach thrift, and we need to teach them to put their wants and needs into the context of the family and/or group and consider how others are affected.

The last pitfall we've encountered is societal attitudes about children and teens. If you are a parent you have no doubt found yourself in a situation in which a stranger walks up to you and gives you "free advice" about parenting your children. This advice is unsolicited, and, while sometimes well-intentioned, usually only serves to make the parent feel incompetent.
It can be hard for new or particularly stressed parents to brush these things off. I do not know what possesses people to believe it is their business, but it seems to be something that happens at least once to every parent. Everyone, it seems, has an opinion about how to raise children, yet few are willing to truly support parents in that endeavour.
There are many adults (esp. teachers) who view children as problems to be solved. Have you ever heard from a teacher or coach the phrase "we need to work on _______"? While there may actually be skills that require practice, the wording behind this suggests that the child is or has a problem or is deficient in some way, rather than emphasizing that the child is developing some new and exciting skills.

Along these lines, I have been paying attention to the way society treats children and teens.

It is a reflection of our society's values that parenting and working with children are not highly valued. Daycare workers and teachers are paid low wages, and sometimes aren't given opportunities for further education akin to other professionals. They are used as baby sitters for the most part. They often become scapegoats when things go wrong. Yet these people have the huge responsibility of nurturing and preparing a new generation for the future.

Imagine what could happen instead: imagine a community engaged with their children, in which the children and the adults in their lives come together to plan, to work, to play, and to celebrate. Where communication between daycare, teachers and parents was not something to be dreaded or rushed through before running home for dinner. Where the welfare and development of the children were given the time and attention they warrant. Where the child's life wasn't chopped up arbitrarily into compartmentalized segments, but given continuity and flow. And where there was time to hear from not just the adults, but from the children as well.

Let's move on.

Have you ever seen a sign in a storefront window limiting the number of students allowed in the store at once?
There are people who will defend this, saying they don't want gangs in their store (fair enough, who would?) But surely a sign would not stop them as effectively as a phone call to the police. Others will say that kids are likely to shoplift.

The truth is that shoplifting occurs across all age groups. Is it more of a crime for a teen to steal than for a senior? We often act as if it is. Can you imagine if we substituted the word "senior" for "student" on one of those signs? If maybe we put a racially defining word in there, or perhaps name a religion, how would people react? If those would be offensive to us, why do we allow for the group of people we call "students" to be treated in such a way?

If we are to mentor our youth to become the leaders of the future, if we want them to treat others with respect and empathy, then we need to consider our actions more carefully. We need to show them the respect we expect them to give. We need to give them a voice. We need to keep the dialogue going and support them rather than alienate them when they need us the most.

My original article on this subject can be found here.